Never forget your first love.

When I was a little girl I was trying to imagine love. What is love? How does the love feel? Is there a sign that says love, so you know which way to go and find it? All those questions were hunting me until today, and still I have no answers.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a sign on the way that says “Love –> this way!”. Oh! That would be so easy. Then you take the road that is made with roses and smiles. And in the end of the road there is a person that holds a sign with your name and welcomes you to take you to “the love land”, just in case you don’t miss it.

It would be perfect if it was that easy, but it’s not. You go and you search, you try and you get hurt on the way. It starts feeling like that road is made of thorns and makes you bleed and cry all the way until the end. And then you get there and there are people, staring at you, or walking around confused, people filled with joy and sorrow, and you have to choose. You need to make a decision very fast, so you just pick, a random person, usually the one closest to you at that moment. And just when you think that your travel is done, you see a road made for two people in front of you. Rough and hard access road where you have to go with the one you chose. It can be long, or short. Sometimes easy, sometimes rocky mountain. Often with a separate paths on the way. Until in the end you either start walking on completely different paths, or fall into the cliff and break.

That is when you fell the pain. It starts from your chests and spreads all over your body. Sometimes that fall fells like you are dying. Like someone is holding your neck and pressing, wishing you death. But sometimes you are more lucky and get back on the beginning of the road, the thorn one.

You crawl and climb, cry and laugh, run and go backwards until you get to the spot where new person is waiting to get picked and start the ride with you. Sometimes you get lost in the thorn path and spend years suffering like I did hoping to find someone that will heal you at the end of the road, just to get dissapointed and thrown back to the start. And sometimes you find it – Love! Smiling and with the hands wide spread waiting to hug you, to tell you “I love you” and go with you into the new life. Hugged or holding your hand, never letting you go. Carrying you over the mountains and swimming the oceans for you. Never letting you go!

So… What is love? How does the love feels? Is there a sign that says love, so you know which way to go and find it? The answer is yet to be found. But if you do find it before me, please let me know, so I can show it to the person waiting for me before we start the long ride alone!

The only thing I know is that every love feels like it is your first love, because love can happen only once!



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